Hey, Terrica! Your storybook is such a creative topic – I’m really impressed. The dialogue and relatable teen angst conversation between a mother and daughter is so familiar to many and I think makes the story that much better. I would encourage you to fix the coverpage that says “OT_Storybook12” unless you want it to say that. I was just confused on the title. Anyways, the description throughout the storybook is great. There was so much dialogue which is not very common and it made everything so much more real. The picture in the introduction also helped place a face to a name which was great. Maybe choose a different picture between the introduction and the cover page? Also, I would split up the dialogue by some narration, just because it can get confusing, but of course that’s up to you, and it certainly didn’t make the story any less interesting to read. Keep up the good work!
Hi O’Terrica! This was such a unique way of telling a story. I loved how you made it conversational, and how you framed it from the perspective of the babysitter. The vernacular in the story made it very easy to picture the story like a movie. I also liked how you developed her backstory as a babysitter and how she already had some experience babysitting the Watersons before this. It was great to see how she hated them enough to put that their kids suck on her flyer. It really showed that she still is young and immature like most of the teens her age. The dynamic that you created with the three Waterson kids was perfect. Having Madison thinking she is too old for babysitting is a great idea. I can see how she will be the hardest to persuade with the witch tales. I also enjoyed seeing that you put a pair of twins in the story that would be a handful for any babysitter. I really like how you framed it into being her telling them scary stories while the power was out; it adds that great spooky element to it.
First things first, I love the photo you chose for your home page and like it even more now that I know it's supposed to be your storybook's main character. She is pale and beautiful, but mysterious and I think that helped draw me in. As for your introduction, I thought you did fabulous! It reads really easy and keeps your audience engaged. Plus, I love the personality you put into your writing and how it shows through in the opening dialogue. I definitely got the know-it-all, rebellious teen feel just from the flyer and dialogue. I also love the comparison between Callie and Madison who are both obviously very similar, but are in a strange situation that pits them against one another. I love that she is calming the children and keeping them under control by telling them stories. I have babysat many times and for the young ones, telling them stories (but not stories from a book, they hate sitting still for that) seems to really get them interested. I can't wait to see where you take this storybook.
First off, that flier had me literally laughing out loud! Seriously, my husband was like “what is wrong with you?” LOL I never had to babysit growing up, but I would imagine that I would have been like Callie for sure. Now that I have two brats of my own, I am now in desperate need of a date night and I definitely would have hired Callie from that flyer :) I also have a 14 year old and I wouldn’t trust her with the 6 year old if my life depended on it and you have the teen angst down pat, I could so see my daughter doing those exact things. As far as the design goes, I love the clean website. Google sites has some funky 90’s windows color combos that some people are using and they are horrible. You might think about using lines in between the flyer text and the beginning of the story. I think it would reiterate the fact that it’s not dialogue.
Hey Terrica. Your storybook is off to a great start. The layout is easy to navigate, the colors go together well, and the font seemed to be perfect. Your introduction was a great way to start off you Storybook. It really jumps right in and grabs the attention of the reader, which will make them want to read the next story. The character of Callie seemed to be perfect as a teenager having to babysit a bunch of kids that she did not want to babysit. I think the one suggestion I would make would be to cut down a little on the dialogue and add a little more of the narration. Overall I think you did a great job.
First off, I love the topic of your storybook project. Witches are so IN this year! But seriously, I love witches and stories about witches, and I was ecstatic to see that the main character of our story looks just like Sophie Turner! Coincidence...? Maybe. Concerning your storytelling style, I find it not only really easy to read, but so much fun to read as well! From the Intro to your first story, your writing just has this great flow to it that keeps me hankering for more. One thing that I absolutely love is how you're having Caille (great name by the way) tell the story in exactly the way that SHE would tell the story (with interjections about ungrateful brats and etc.). It's so boring when people keep with the traditional prose of most myths and folktales, but yours lends the legends a refreshing breath of modern style. Keep it up! I can't wait for the next installment!
Yes! You retold the story perfectly from Caille's point of view. I loved the references to high school and other people not doing what they're told. It was just the right amount of informality. I was also impressed with the dialogue you included. I never use enough quotations. I didn't get lost with who was speaking. That's one of the most common mistakes with dialogue, but you wrote it very well. The pictures you used were also perfect. I imagined Caille looking just like that.
There were a few grammar things, but the overall flow of your introduction and first story were fantastic! In the Introduction, Caille complained that the boys spoke in unison, but the line before only describes Lincoln speaking. I was a little confused why she complained before they actually spoke in unison. In The Ridiculously Old Witch, I think it should be "no one has taken us out" instead of "took". This is when the bread are speaking to the first daughter. When the fruit tree speaks, it says "mid" instead of "mind". In the Author's Note, I think it should read " show that through the way". There were just a couple of missing letters.
Introduction: As I was reading, I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the witches to come into play. You set the scene so well!!! Immediately the main character’s personality is shown. I love it. It is a typical teenage girl with a sarcastic attitude. I think your introduction was wonderful and very creative!! When I saw the picture on the home page my first question was, “Is this the witch? She doesn’t seem like the typical witch.” So, by just the image on the home page I was already interested to see who this girl was and, if she was a witch, what kind of witch she was. I wonder what makes the Waterson kids so terrible. The Ridiculously Old Witch: I think you did a wonderful job of telling this story! The voice of Caille was perfect throughout the story. I felt like she was sitting here telling me herself. You are a fantastic writer! Everything was smooth and wonderful. I small formatting thing is at the very end of your story the font and spacing change, and then your author’s note is yet another font.
Hey! I thought the way you structured your story was really great. I really liked how you began the story with some dialogue and then jumped into the once upon a time. It helped set up the story in a way that was intriguing and made me want to keep reading. I also liked the dialogue you had in your story because it gave it a nice flow. When I got to your last paragraph, it was a little bit overwhelming because there was so much text inside of one paragraph. You might consider breaking it up, at least in one place, to give it a little more natural flow so it is less overwhelming for readers, especially where there is dialogue, it would be impactful if they stood alone. I thought your author’s note was informative and gave me a good overview of the original story. I liked the changes that you made from the original to yours.
I got a kick out of the dialogue you used in your first story and your introduction; it was very easy to imagine a sassy, obstinate babysitter, and you did an excellent job of using dialogue to develop the characters.
I think that the one thing that's lacking here is a more thorough description of the other characters and the surroundings. What do they look like? Where are they? How does the bread smell (it's been in the oven for seven years, after all!)?
Also, I do wonder if a bit more narration might bring the story to life even more. Dialogue is good, but I think it needs to be balanced with a concise description of the characters' facial expressions, emotions, and overall reactions.
With this story, you've done a good job of setting up an intriguing situation in which the babysitter tells the kids a story. However, what do the kids think about all this? Are they afraid? Are the witches real, or are they merely conjured up as a diversion for the children?
I really loved your introduction that I read last week and I was looking forward to your next story! Your introduction was voiced perfectly and with maybe a little experience LOL
Talking bread, cows, and trees!!!! Wow! That is interesting and a total surprise! I don’t know why, but the girls walk kind of reminded me of the part in the Wizard of Oz where they find the tin man, I guess because of the fruit trees and then the witch and the little house I guess. It also reminds me of Hansel and Grethel, at least the oven part. I also love the way Caille is telling her story to the kids. Got to love that teenage angst.
On a technical note, the wording on top of the picture where the sentence starts “The other sisters heard…” is not spaced out as much as the rest of the story. It may even be a different font or maybe just a different font size or it is just the spacing that is making it look that way.
I was drawn to read your stories from the beginning because I think your title is clever. I thought to myself, "Woah, the witches are out? Shoot, what is going to happen?"
Naturally, the first story I read was the The Ridiculously Old Witch. Who would want to find out how ridiculously old she is? I thought this story was well written and organized nicely. I liked that you chose to use a lot of dialogue in the story because it really helps the reader to get to know the characters and imagine what they would sounds like. You did a good job bringing the characters to life in this way, which is somewhat difficult to do sometimes. I also liked the picture you chose to include in the story of the person dressed as the witch from Snow White. That lady used to scare me when I watched the cartoon movie when I was growing up.
Great job overall! I look forward to reading more from you in the upcoming weeks.
I love your storybook! Truly, it is so relatable to anyone who has ever babysat! What an easy way to have stories flow too, because kids will sit and listen to stories forever! Your main character, Caille is hilarious to me. I feel like I had a "Caille" streak in me for a while when I was in the babysitting glory days! I chose to read your first story about the ridiculously old witch. I really love the theme of this story, because it is so true in life that it always pays off to be kind to one another. Plus, you never know when the favor will be returned. I thought it was so funny that money just fell out of the chimney, some of these stories are so random. I like that you included in the author's note about how the original story speeds through the second sister's experiences, because that was my biggest suggestion was to elaborate a little bit more. I also thought it was hilarious that the witch gave her a giant spanking. I definitely could hear Caille's voice throughout the whole story which ties it back really well into the storybook theme! Great job!
I love your storybook! I think it has so much personality and is so fun to read, so I enjoyed it. I think a lot of us can probably relate to it because we may either have younger siblings or have babysat before. I love Caille's character; I think you did a great job at developing her personality and using a lot of dialogue to show us who she is.
In "Meet Caille," I only saw a few things I would change: When Madison said "... I can totally take care of myself", you forgot to put a period at the end of the sentence. Later, you said “What’s going on, why are the lights out?” Madison over-dramatically screamed. I think there should be a question mark after on? (so What's going on? Why are the lights out?) because these are two different questions.
I thought your first story "The Ridiculously Old Witch" was great! I loved the characters in the story and how you had Caille tell the story in a more teenage, modern voice. It made it easy and fun to read, and I think it is so easy to relate to (having to tell kids these "scary" stories). But overall, great job with this storybook! I look forward to reading more.
Hey, Terrica! I really have enjoyed your storybook! I already have commented on the introduction before, so now I’ll focus on the actual stories. For the first story, I would try to link it to how the introduction ended with the “Ahhhh!” I was wondering what that was about – perhaps the twins getting in trouble so the babysitter decided to distract them with a story? Anyways, the story itself was great and I enjoyed the modern language for the older story. The story was captivating, but I would encourage you to “interrupt” the story with comments or questions from the kids, that way the reader remembers the setting of the actual story and how it’s being told. As for the second story, I really enjoyed the lively dialogue between the children and the babysitter to open up the story. I thought it was very realistic and also extremely entertaining. The actually story-telling was great as well and as you said in your author’s note, it was “true to Caille’s personality” which was nice.
Baba Yaga: I love the back and forth between the babysitter and the kids. It is such a realistic conversation! I love it. Something helpful would be to better space out the second part of the story to make it easier to read. This is such a great story. I still really love the voice of the narrator. I like that you recognized some of the cultural differences in the story, like how the grandmother gave them ham as a parting gift as well as cookies. I guess that is what the grandmother had prepared for that day. It seems to be a theme with the witches to chase after the children they trick personally. I would think they would use some kind of spell or minions or something to do it for her, but I guess she needs the exercise. Overall, I think your storybook is wonderful! You are doing such a great job!
Finally got around to reading your latest installment and I'm mighty pleased! Russian folk tales are some of my favorite stories, just because of how bizarre and unique they are from folk tales from other cultures. Baba Yaga is perhaps one of the strangest characters I've read about, mainly because of her house and her mode of transportation (flying across the sky in a mortar and pestle instead of a broom). I'm really glad you decided to use her in your project because she's one of the most notorious witches! I love how you keep Caille's personality integrated with each story retelling. I cracked up after reading 'riding the struggle bus,' because it just seems so comically out of place in an old-tyme story retelling. Something that I tend to do and I notice you seem to be doing as well is forgetting to add spacing between paragraphs. It's rough on the eyes to read one giant wall of text and robs from becoming more immersed in the story. A paragraph break here and there does loads for making the reading easier to zoom through! Who are you going to choose to spotlight for the next story? I can't wait to read it!
I think your storybook is very unique. So far, I haven't seen anyone with a similar topic. I really like Game of Thrones so I love that you used the actress who plays Sansa as Caille, too. Your introduction is unique in that it is like a story itself, using exposition to explain the basic information about the storybook. Caille also is a very distinct narrator with her own special voice. She seems like your typical, sassy teenager.
I like how you keep Caille's voice when you bring in the stories about witches. Something about the way she tells them keeps the sound of traditional fairy tales but using modern words occasionally like "super" and "like a boss." I could definitely imagine my little sister (she's 15) summarizing a story in a similar way. I also like the bits of conversation between the kids and Caille that transition you from one story to the other. I’m interested in what your next story will be about and I think your storybook is awesome.
I'm so glad that I chose your storybook for my free choice this week. It was a very interesting and exciting read. The teen angst hit home for me because I have a teen at home, plus 3 younger girls who think they are teens!!! Lol The dialogue seemed so real to me because this is my daily life dealing with so many children in my home. I liked your pictures, the layout and your writing style. The narrative parts in your stories were very well written and I can see that kind of dialogue being used among todays teenagers. I thought your introduction of Callie was fun and entertaining. Each story was equally as interesting as you were telling about all the different witches. My only criticism would be that some of the paragraphs were a little long and made them a little difficult to read and keep my place. I really didn't see any grammatical errors or spelling errors. Yay! That's something that will throw me off too. Lol Overall, you did a great job and again I'm very happy that I chose your storybook to read this week. A little comic relief at the end of a tough week is always a good thing!
Hey Terrica, great project! I laughed within the first few lines. "Mark and Katherine Waterson, please do not respond to this. Your kids SUCK!!" That is hilarious. That is something that I would do in real life. Your writing kept me engaged. You provided great background on the Watersons , which helped progress the story in a great way. In the introduction, I feel that there was too much dialouge. It seemed like the story was just going back and forth between the characters. The Ridiculously Old Witch was better. I will assume since that was your introduction that you wrote it differently. Overall, I liked everything. It is very creative. I would suggest using some of your creativity on the background. Although, the purple is really nice and welcoming. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your project as you continue to add to it.
This is the third time I have gotten to comment on your project and was looking forward to reading the rest of your stories. Hopefully I won’t re-comment on things I have already mentioned before. I remember Meet Callie was very comical and I loved the character and the way she interacted with the kids. The Ridiculously Old Witch was also an interesting Hansel/Grethel take from what I remember. Baba Yaga and The Wild Swans are new and I really enjoyed reading them! I just love the very straight forward voice you write in with Callie. Sometime people trying to write like that comes off a little …. strange, but you nail it. My favorite line from Baba Yaga is “...she saw her brother riding the struggle bus.” My second favorite line is “...sent the evil stepmother away, like a boss, …” LOL I read a version of the inspiration story for The Wild Swans. I thought it was a very cool story and I like the way you told it here.
Sooo I just read your third story! Once again, Caille's commentary throughout her stories are probably my favorite parts to read. 'Good witches make for boring stories,' indeed! This story was beautiful, and I love how tragic it gets in the middle of the story only to have a happy ending after all! This story definitely seemed more serious than the other ones Caille has told, but it gives the Waterson kids a very valuable lesson in the importance of family. I think it's a lesson we all could learn from and you wrote it very well. I hope this isn't the last story, but if it is, I'll be fine with it because your entire storybook project has been fantastic!
This is my first time reading this storybook and it is very interesting. I thought the idea to use a babysitter trying to tell little brats stories made the introduction a great one. It was a very creative idea to use this. I also liked in your story "The Ridiculously Old Witch" how you kept Callie alluding to the fact that babysitting was a terrible experience for her and she was only doing it for the money. It kept the reader knowing who was telling the story while keeping Callie's own spin on things. Your use of dialogue was great. It made your introduction very easy to read and it showed the attitude and mindset of Callie very well. You can easily tell that she is annoyed and just wants to do her own things. I think dialogue is a great way to show a character's characteristics and it definitely has in this story. You can tell Callie is a teenager who is full of energy and doesn't want to waste it on babysitting annoying kids.
I like how your stories kind of vary in structure because it keeps it interesting and is exciting for the reader to see something different. In Baba Yaga, you began the story in lots of dialogue back and forth and each quote or paragraph was separated but then in The Wild Swans, the story read more like a novel in big paragraph chunks. Overall, your blog is really easy to navigate through and I think your color combo is fun. I noticed that the font differs a little bit between stories so that might be something you want to consider. Meet Caille has a different from your other stories. Not that it’s a big deal or anything; it’s just something I noticed! Also I thought that was a really fun way to begin your portfolio and it definitely grabbed my attention. Anyways, great job on your portfolio and I think you have some really great stories!
Hello! I’m so glad I chose your Storybook as my free choice. Your title really grabbed my attention, and I was excited to see what I would find! You definitely did not disappoint. Firstly, I like the colors and layout that you chose. Purple of any shade is one of my favorite colors, so I thought it was really nice to look at. Your pictures throughout the Storybook were also nice and went well with the layout. I also like your writing style. Your stories were easy to read and provided the perfect amount of detail. I like that you weren’t afraid to make some parts dialogue heavy, because that really added a personal touch to your work. Reading this made me think of reading a young adult novel, and I mean that in the best way. You kept me entertained throughout, and I can’t wait to read more of your stories in the future!
Hey, Terrica! Your storybook is such a creative topic – I’m really impressed. The dialogue and relatable teen angst conversation between a mother and daughter is so familiar to many and I think makes the story that much better. I would encourage you to fix the coverpage that says “OT_Storybook12” unless you want it to say that. I was just confused on the title. Anyways, the description throughout the storybook is great. There was so much dialogue which is not very common and it made everything so much more real. The picture in the introduction also helped place a face to a name which was great. Maybe choose a different picture between the introduction and the cover page? Also, I would split up the dialogue by some narration, just because it can get confusing, but of course that’s up to you, and it certainly didn’t make the story any less interesting to read. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi O’Terrica! This was such a unique way of telling a story. I loved how you made it conversational, and how you framed it from the perspective of the babysitter. The vernacular in the story made it very easy to picture the story like a movie. I also liked how you developed her backstory as a babysitter and how she already had some experience babysitting the Watersons before this. It was great to see how she hated them enough to put that their kids suck on her flyer. It really showed that she still is young and immature like most of the teens her age. The dynamic that you created with the three Waterson kids was perfect. Having Madison thinking she is too old for babysitting is a great idea. I can see how she will be the hardest to persuade with the witch tales. I also enjoyed seeing that you put a pair of twins in the story that would be a handful for any babysitter. I really like how you framed it into being her telling them scary stories while the power was out; it adds that great spooky element to it.
ReplyDeleteFirst things first, I love the photo you chose for your home page and like it even more now that I know it's supposed to be your storybook's main character. She is pale and beautiful, but mysterious and I think that helped draw me in. As for your introduction, I thought you did fabulous! It reads really easy and keeps your audience engaged. Plus, I love the personality you put into your writing and how it shows through in the opening dialogue. I definitely got the know-it-all, rebellious teen feel just from the flyer and dialogue. I also love the comparison between Callie and Madison who are both obviously very similar, but are in a strange situation that pits them against one another. I love that she is calming the children and keeping them under control by telling them stories. I have babysat many times and for the young ones, telling them stories (but not stories from a book, they hate sitting still for that) seems to really get them interested. I can't wait to see where you take this storybook.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, that flier had me literally laughing out loud! Seriously, my husband was like “what is wrong with you?” LOL I never had to babysit growing up, but I would imagine that I would have been like Callie for sure. Now that I have two brats of my own, I am now in desperate need of a date night and I definitely would have hired Callie from that flyer :) I also have a 14 year old and I wouldn’t trust her with the 6 year old if my life depended on it and you have the teen angst down pat, I could so see my daughter doing those exact things.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the design goes, I love the clean website. Google sites has some funky 90’s windows color combos that some people are using and they are horrible. You might think about using lines in between the flyer text and the beginning of the story. I think it would reiterate the fact that it’s not dialogue.
Hey Terrica. Your storybook is off to a great start. The layout is easy to navigate, the colors go together well, and the font seemed to be perfect. Your introduction was a great way to start off you Storybook. It really jumps right in and grabs the attention of the reader, which will make them want to read the next story. The character of Callie seemed to be perfect as a teenager having to babysit a bunch of kids that she did not want to babysit. I think the one suggestion I would make would be to cut down a little on the dialogue and add a little more of the narration. Overall I think you did a great job.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love the topic of your storybook project. Witches are so IN this year! But seriously, I love witches and stories about witches, and I was ecstatic to see that the main character of our story looks just like Sophie Turner! Coincidence...? Maybe.
ReplyDeleteConcerning your storytelling style, I find it not only really easy to read, but so much fun to read as well! From the Intro to your first story, your writing just has this great flow to it that keeps me hankering for more. One thing that I absolutely love is how you're having Caille (great name by the way) tell the story in exactly the way that SHE would tell the story (with interjections about ungrateful brats and etc.). It's so boring when people keep with the traditional prose of most myths and folktales, but yours lends the legends a refreshing breath of modern style. Keep it up! I can't wait for the next installment!
Yes! You retold the story perfectly from Caille's point of view. I loved the references to high school and other people not doing what they're told. It was just the right amount of informality. I was also impressed with the dialogue you included. I never use enough quotations. I didn't get lost with who was speaking. That's one of the most common mistakes with dialogue, but you wrote it very well. The pictures you used were also perfect. I imagined Caille looking just like that.
ReplyDeleteThere were a few grammar things, but the overall flow of your introduction and first story were fantastic! In the Introduction, Caille complained that the boys spoke in unison, but the line before only describes Lincoln speaking. I was a little confused why she complained before they actually spoke in unison. In The Ridiculously Old Witch, I think it should be "no one has taken us out" instead of "took". This is when the bread are speaking to the first daughter. When the fruit tree speaks, it says "mid" instead of "mind". In the Author's Note, I think it should read " show that through the way". There were just a couple of missing letters.
Introduction: As I was reading, I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the witches to come into play. You set the scene so well!!! Immediately the main character’s personality is shown. I love it. It is a typical teenage girl with a sarcastic attitude.
ReplyDeleteI think your introduction was wonderful and very creative!!
When I saw the picture on the home page my first question was, “Is this the witch? She doesn’t seem like the typical witch.” So, by just the image on the home page I was already interested to see who this girl was and, if she was a witch, what kind of witch she was.
I wonder what makes the Waterson kids so terrible.
The Ridiculously Old Witch: I think you did a wonderful job of telling this story! The voice of Caille was perfect throughout the story. I felt like she was sitting here telling me herself. You are a fantastic writer! Everything was smooth and wonderful.
I small formatting thing is at the very end of your story the font and spacing change, and then your author’s note is yet another font.
Hey!
ReplyDeleteI thought the way you structured your story was really great. I really liked how you began the story with some dialogue and then jumped into the once upon a time. It helped set up the story in a way that was intriguing and made me want to keep reading. I also liked the dialogue you had in your story because it gave it a nice flow. When I got to your last paragraph, it was a little bit overwhelming because there was so much text inside of one paragraph. You might consider breaking it up, at least in one place, to give it a little more natural flow so it is less overwhelming for readers, especially where there is dialogue, it would be impactful if they stood alone. I thought your author’s note was informative and gave me a good overview of the original story. I liked the changes that you made from the original to yours.
Hi Terrica,
ReplyDeleteI got a kick out of the dialogue you used in your first story and your introduction; it was very easy to imagine a sassy, obstinate babysitter, and you did an excellent job of using dialogue to develop the characters.
I think that the one thing that's lacking here is a more thorough description of the other characters and the surroundings. What do they look like? Where are they? How does the bread smell (it's been in the oven for seven years, after all!)?
Also, I do wonder if a bit more narration might bring the story to life even more. Dialogue is good, but I think it needs to be balanced with a concise description of the characters' facial expressions, emotions, and overall reactions.
With this story, you've done a good job of setting up an intriguing situation in which the babysitter tells the kids a story. However, what do the kids think about all this? Are they afraid? Are the witches real, or are they merely conjured up as a diversion for the children?
I look forward to reading your future work!
I really loved your introduction that I read last week and I was looking forward to your next story! Your introduction was voiced perfectly and with maybe a little experience LOL
ReplyDeleteTalking bread, cows, and trees!!!! Wow! That is interesting and a total surprise! I don’t know why, but the girls walk kind of reminded me of the part in the Wizard of Oz where they find the tin man, I guess because of the fruit trees and then the witch and the little house I guess. It also reminds me of Hansel and Grethel, at least the oven part. I also love the way Caille is telling her story to the kids. Got to love that teenage angst.
On a technical note, the wording on top of the picture where the sentence starts “The other sisters heard…” is not spaced out as much as the rest of the story. It may even be a different font or maybe just a different font size or it is just the spacing that is making it look that way.
Hey Terrica!
ReplyDeleteI was drawn to read your stories from the beginning because I think your title is clever. I thought to myself, "Woah, the witches are out? Shoot, what is going to happen?"
Naturally, the first story I read was the The Ridiculously Old Witch. Who would want to find out how ridiculously old she is? I thought this story was well written and organized nicely. I liked that you chose to use a lot of dialogue in the story because it really helps the reader to get to know the characters and imagine what they would sounds like. You did a good job bringing the characters to life in this way, which is somewhat difficult to do sometimes. I also liked the picture you chose to include in the story of the person dressed as the witch from Snow White. That lady used to scare me when I watched the cartoon movie when I was growing up.
Great job overall! I look forward to reading more from you in the upcoming weeks.
Terrica,
ReplyDeleteI love your storybook! Truly, it is so relatable to anyone who has ever babysat! What an easy way to have stories flow too, because kids will sit and listen to stories forever! Your main character, Caille is hilarious to me. I feel like I had a "Caille" streak in me for a while when I was in the babysitting glory days! I chose to read your first story about the ridiculously old witch. I really love the theme of this story, because it is so true in life that it always pays off to be kind to one another. Plus, you never know when the favor will be returned. I thought it was so funny that money just fell out of the chimney, some of these stories are so random. I like that you included in the author's note about how the original story speeds through the second sister's experiences, because that was my biggest suggestion was to elaborate a little bit more. I also thought it was hilarious that the witch gave her a giant spanking. I definitely could hear Caille's voice throughout the whole story which ties it back really well into the storybook theme! Great job!
Terrica,
ReplyDeleteI love your storybook! I think it has so much personality and is so fun to read, so I enjoyed it. I think a lot of us can probably relate to it because we may either have younger siblings or have babysat before. I love Caille's character; I think you did a great job at developing her personality and using a lot of dialogue to show us who she is.
In "Meet Caille," I only saw a few things I would change: When Madison said "... I can totally take care of myself", you forgot to put a period at the end of the sentence. Later, you said “What’s going on, why are the lights out?” Madison over-dramatically screamed. I think there should be a question mark after on? (so What's going on? Why are the lights out?) because these are two different questions.
I thought your first story "The Ridiculously Old Witch" was great! I loved the characters in the story and how you had Caille tell the story in a more teenage, modern voice. It made it easy and fun to read, and I think it is so easy to relate to (having to tell kids these "scary" stories). But overall, great job with this storybook! I look forward to reading more.
Hey, Terrica! I really have enjoyed your storybook! I already have commented on the introduction before, so now I’ll focus on the actual stories. For the first story, I would try to link it to how the introduction ended with the “Ahhhh!” I was wondering what that was about – perhaps the twins getting in trouble so the babysitter decided to distract them with a story? Anyways, the story itself was great and I enjoyed the modern language for the older story. The story was captivating, but I would encourage you to “interrupt” the story with comments or questions from the kids, that way the reader remembers the setting of the actual story and how it’s being told. As for the second story, I really enjoyed the lively dialogue between the children and the babysitter to open up the story. I thought it was very realistic and also extremely entertaining. The actually story-telling was great as well and as you said in your author’s note, it was “true to Caille’s personality” which was nice.
ReplyDeleteBaba Yaga: I love the back and forth between the babysitter and the kids. It is such a realistic conversation! I love it.
ReplyDeleteSomething helpful would be to better space out the second part of the story to make it easier to read.
This is such a great story. I still really love the voice of the narrator. I like that you recognized some of the cultural differences in the story, like how the grandmother gave them ham as a parting gift as well as cookies. I guess that is what the grandmother had prepared for that day.
It seems to be a theme with the witches to chase after the children they trick personally. I would think they would use some kind of spell or minions or something to do it for her, but I guess she needs the exercise. Overall, I think your storybook is wonderful! You are doing such a great job!
Finally got around to reading your latest installment and I'm mighty pleased! Russian folk tales are some of my favorite stories, just because of how bizarre and unique they are from folk tales from other cultures. Baba Yaga is perhaps one of the strangest characters I've read about, mainly because of her house and her mode of transportation (flying across the sky in a mortar and pestle instead of a broom). I'm really glad you decided to use her in your project because she's one of the most notorious witches!
ReplyDeleteI love how you keep Caille's personality integrated with each story retelling. I cracked up after reading 'riding the struggle bus,' because it just seems so comically out of place in an old-tyme story retelling. Something that I tend to do and I notice you seem to be doing as well is forgetting to add spacing between paragraphs. It's rough on the eyes to read one giant wall of text and robs from becoming more immersed in the story. A paragraph break here and there does loads for making the reading easier to zoom through!
Who are you going to choose to spotlight for the next story? I can't wait to read it!
I think your storybook is very unique. So far, I haven't seen anyone with a similar topic. I really like Game of Thrones so I love that you used the actress who plays Sansa as Caille, too. Your introduction is unique in that it is like a story itself, using exposition to explain the basic information about the storybook. Caille also is a very distinct narrator with her own special voice. She seems like your typical, sassy teenager.
ReplyDeleteI like how you keep Caille's voice when you bring in the stories about witches. Something about the way she tells them keeps the sound of traditional fairy tales but using modern words occasionally like "super" and "like a boss." I could definitely imagine my little sister (she's 15) summarizing a story in a similar way. I also like the bits of conversation between the kids and Caille that transition you from one story to the other. I’m interested in what your next story will be about and I think your storybook is awesome.
I'm so glad that I chose your storybook for my free choice this week. It was a very interesting and exciting read. The teen angst hit home for me because I have a teen at home, plus 3 younger girls who think they are teens!!! Lol The dialogue seemed so real to me because this is my daily life dealing with so many children in my home.
ReplyDeleteI liked your pictures, the layout and your writing style. The narrative parts in your stories were very well written and I can see that kind of dialogue being used among todays teenagers. I thought your introduction of Callie was fun and entertaining.
Each story was equally as interesting as you were telling about all the different witches. My only criticism would be that some of the paragraphs were a little long and made them a little difficult to read and keep my place. I really didn't see any grammatical errors or spelling errors. Yay! That's something that will throw me off too. Lol
Overall, you did a great job and again I'm very happy that I chose your storybook to read this week. A little comic relief at the end of a tough week is always a good thing!
Hey Terrica, great project! I laughed within the first few lines. "Mark and Katherine Waterson, please do not respond to this. Your kids SUCK!!" That is hilarious. That is something that I would do in real life. Your writing kept me engaged. You provided great background on the Watersons , which helped progress the story in a great way. In the introduction, I feel that there was too much dialouge. It seemed like the story was just going back and forth between the characters. The Ridiculously Old Witch was better. I will assume since that was your introduction that you wrote it differently. Overall, I liked everything. It is very creative. I would suggest using some of your creativity on the background. Although, the purple is really nice and welcoming. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your project as you continue to add to it.
ReplyDeleteThis is the third time I have gotten to comment on your project and was looking forward to reading the rest of your stories. Hopefully I won’t re-comment on things I have already mentioned before. I remember Meet Callie was very comical and I loved the character and the way she interacted with the kids. The Ridiculously Old Witch was also an interesting Hansel/Grethel take from what I remember. Baba Yaga and The Wild Swans are new and I really enjoyed reading them! I just love the very straight forward voice you write in with Callie. Sometime people trying to write like that comes off a little …. strange, but you nail it. My favorite line from Baba Yaga is “...she saw her brother riding the struggle bus.” My second favorite line is “...sent the evil stepmother away, like a boss, …” LOL I read a version of the inspiration story for The Wild Swans. I thought it was a very cool story and I like the way you told it here.
ReplyDeleteSooo I just read your third story! Once again, Caille's commentary throughout her stories are probably my favorite parts to read. 'Good witches make for boring stories,' indeed!
ReplyDeleteThis story was beautiful, and I love how tragic it gets in the middle of the story only to have a happy ending after all! This story definitely seemed more serious than the other ones Caille has told, but it gives the Waterson kids a very valuable lesson in the importance of family. I think it's a lesson we all could learn from and you wrote it very well. I hope this isn't the last story, but if it is, I'll be fine with it because your entire storybook project has been fantastic!
This is my first time reading this storybook and it is very interesting. I thought the idea to use a babysitter trying to tell little brats stories made the introduction a great one. It was a very creative idea to use this. I also liked in your story "The Ridiculously Old Witch" how you kept Callie alluding to the fact that babysitting was a terrible experience for her and she was only doing it for the money. It kept the reader knowing who was telling the story while keeping Callie's own spin on things.
ReplyDeleteYour use of dialogue was great. It made your introduction very easy to read and it showed the attitude and mindset of Callie very well. You can easily tell that she is annoyed and just wants to do her own things. I think dialogue is a great way to show a character's characteristics and it definitely has in this story. You can tell Callie is a teenager who is full of energy and doesn't want to waste it on babysitting annoying kids.
ReplyDeleteI like how your stories kind of vary in structure because it keeps it interesting and is exciting for the reader to see something different. In Baba Yaga, you began the story in lots of dialogue back and forth and each quote or paragraph was separated but then in The Wild Swans, the story read more like a novel in big paragraph chunks. Overall, your blog is really easy to navigate through and I think your color combo is fun. I noticed that the font differs a little bit between stories so that might be something you want to consider. Meet Caille has a different from your other stories. Not that it’s a big deal or anything; it’s just something I noticed! Also I thought that was a really fun way to begin your portfolio and it definitely grabbed my attention. Anyways, great job on your portfolio and I think you have some really great stories!
Hello! I’m so glad I chose your Storybook as my free choice. Your title really grabbed my attention, and I was excited to see what I would find! You definitely did not disappoint. Firstly, I like the colors and layout that you chose. Purple of any shade is one of my favorite colors, so I thought it was really nice to look at. Your pictures throughout the Storybook were also nice and went well with the layout. I also like your writing style. Your stories were easy to read and provided the perfect amount of detail. I like that you weren’t afraid to make some parts dialogue heavy, because that really added a personal touch to your work. Reading this made me think of reading a young adult novel, and I mean that in the best way. You kept me entertained throughout, and I can’t wait to read more of your stories in the future!
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